Being a parent, there’s not much time that just you alone. That is exactly what I was able to achieve today. While technically not alone, I had a day away with a group of my friends, it was a day out without my kids. It was a day in which I didn’t have to keep a constant, vigilant eye out for what my band of mischievous ninjas was up to, and it was wonderful.
I got to meet up with my group of friends and head across the Mississippi to Illinois and head to a German brewery, Hofbrauhaus. For those who have been an you know the place is absolutely brilliant. A huge interior dining area fit for an Oktoberfest all of its own, but still spilling out to a vast patio, and today, an extra tent set up for a separate Fest I didn’t catch the name of. Wurst Fest maybe? Doesn’t matter. This place is huge. They have a standard bar of liquors, but the highlight (naturally) is their selection of beers. There’s a lager and a dunkel plus a rotational beer served in a .5 liter glass or a massive 1 liter stein. The food is some phenomenal German fare; I got a version of jägerschnitzel.
While the food and drinks were great, the real star of the day was being out with friends. So often, we make our kids and our spouses the priority, and neglect to take care of ourselves.
About a year ago, my wife and I went to marriage counseling. We weren’t at each other’s throats, divorce wasn’t on the line, we just weren’t at our best functioning selves. One of the first things the therapist asked about was how much time each of us had to ourselves. Like many of us, our answer was almost none. For me, my only real alone time was driving to and from work. My wife was in the same boat as me. We were spending all of our collective time watching the boys, we weren’t talking time or for ourselves.
Constantly being there with your kids sounds like good parenting, I know. But the problem is you neglect your own needs, and you’re wearing yourself out. The therapist stressed that we can’t really be there for our kids without taking time out for self care. Think of it like your car, it can’t keep running without regularly stopping to top up with fuel and occasional maintenance. So take regular time and set it aside for you, and a little less frequent, take a bigger chunk of time and get away for the day.
Keep up with your friends, schedule time each month at minimum to get out and do something not at home. Start a hobby to take a step back for yourself if not daily, then a few times a week. And try to keep healthy habits. Take up yoga, go for a walk, learn a new skill. Do something to better yourself, you’ll see your life start to come together again.
None of us are perfect machines. We all have things we need to do to keep ourselves operating the best we can. Know that you aren’t perfect, and that’s perfectly ok. But give yourself some time for you, and you’ll begin to see more of what you remember from your past.
Love you, buddy.
-Papa Bear
