Having kids is one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences in life. It can also have a huge impact on your relationship with your spouse. You may find yourself spending less time together, having more conflicts, feeling less connected, or losing the spark that you once had.
But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle to keep their relationship strong after having kids. And it’s not impossible to overcome these challenges. With some effort, patience, and creativity, you can still have a happy and fulfilling marriage even after becoming parents.
In this edition, I’ll share some practical tips and advice on how to keep your relationship strong after having kids as a husband. These are based on my own experience, as well as some research and expert opinions. I hope they will help you and your spouse maintain a healthy and loving bond for years to come.
Tip #1: Communicate Regularly and Effectively
Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but it becomes even more important after having kids. You need to communicate with your spouse about your feelings, needs, expectations, plans, problems, and solutions. You also need to listen to what they have to say and show empathy and understanding.
Communication can help you avoid misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, express appreciation, support each other, and stay on the same page. It can also help you keep the intimacy and romance alive by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Here are some ways to communicate regularly and effectively with your spouse after having kids:
- Set aside some time every day to talk without distractions. It can be in the morning before the kids wake up, in the evening after they go to bed, or any other time that works for both of you. Use this time to catch up on each other’s day, share your joys and frustrations, ask for feedback or advice, or just chat about anything that interests you.
- Use technology to stay in touch throughout the day. You can send each other texts, calls, emails, or voice messages to let them know you’re thinking of them, update them on your schedule, or share something funny or cute. You can also use video calls or apps like FaceTime or Skype to see each other’s faces and hear each other’s voices when you’re apart.
- Be honest and respectful when you communicate. Don’t hide your feelings or opinions from your spouse, but don’t be rude or harsh either. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to express your perspective without blaming or accusing them. For example, say “I feel hurt when you don’t listen to me” instead of “You never listen to me”. Also, avoid name-calling, yelling, swearing, or interrupting when you communicate.
- Be open and receptive when your spouse communicates with you. Don’t judge, criticize, or dismiss what they have to say. Try to understand their point of view and empathize with their emotions. Ask questions if you need clarification or more information. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their concerns. For example, say “I understand why you’re angry” instead of “You’re overreacting”.
- Use positive communication techniques to enhance your relationship. These include giving compliments, expressing gratitude, showing affection, giving feedback, making requests, making suggestions, making compromises, and apologizing when necessary. These techniques can help you build trust, respect, appreciation, and goodwill in your relationship.
Tip #2: Make Time for Each Other
One of the biggest challenges of keeping your relationship strong after having kids is finding time for each other. You may be busy with work, household chores, childcare responsibilities, and other obligations that leave little room for quality time with your spouse.
But spending time together is essential for maintaining your connection and intimacy. It can help you relax, have fun, enjoy each other’s company, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Here are some ways to make time for each other after having kids:
- Schedule regular date nights. Date nights are a great way to reconnect with your spouse and rekindle the romance in your relationship. They don’t have to be expensive or elaborate; they just have to be something that you both enjoy and look forward to. You can go out for dinner, watch a movie, take a walk, play a game, or do anything else that makes you happy. The important thing is to focus on each other and not on the kids or other distractions.
- Take advantage of nap times and bed times. When the kids are asleep or napping, you can use that time to spend some quality time with your spouse. You can cuddle on the couch, have a conversation, give each other a massage, or get intimate. You can also use that time to do something productive or relaxing together, such as cooking, reading, meditating, or working on a hobby.
- Plan a weekend getaway or a vacation. Sometimes, you need to get away from the daily routine and stress and enjoy some time alone with your spouse. You can plan a weekend getaway or a vacation to a place that you both like and have some fun and adventure. You can also use this time to reconnect with your spouse and rekindle the passion in your relationship. Of course, you’ll need to arrange for someone to take care of the kids while you’re away, such as a relative, a friend, or a babysitter.
- Do small things to show your love and appreciation. You don’t have to wait for special occasions or big gestures to show your spouse how much you love and appreciate them. You can do small things every day to make them feel special and valued. You can leave them a note, buy them a gift, make them breakfast, do a chore for them, or surprise them with a kiss. These small things can go a long way in keeping your relationship strong after having kids.
Tip #3: Share the Load and Support Each Other
Another challenge of keeping your relationship strong after having kids is balancing the workload and supporting each other. You may have different roles and responsibilities in the family, such as breadwinner, homemaker, caregiver, disciplinarian, etc. You may also have different expectations and preferences about how things should be done.
But you need to remember that you’re a team and that you need to work together and support each other. You need to share the load and help each other out when needed. You also need to respect and appreciate each other’s contributions and efforts.
Here are some ways to share the load and support each other after having kids:
- Divide the chores and tasks according to your abilities and availability. You don’t have to split everything 50/50, but you should try to find a fair and reasonable distribution of the chores and tasks that need to be done in the household and for the kids. You can also take turns doing certain chores or tasks that you both dislike or find difficult. The important thing is to communicate clearly and agree on who does what and when.
- Ask for help when you need it and offer help when you can. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help from your spouse when you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired, or stressed. And don’t hesitate to offer help to your spouse when they’re in need of it. Helping each other out can make things easier for both of you and show that you care about each other.
- Give each other some space and time off. As much as you love each other and the kids, you also need some space and time for yourself. You need to recharge your batteries, pursue your interests, meet your friends, or do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled. Giving each other some space and time off can also prevent resentment, boredom, or burnout in your relationship.
- Be supportive and encouraging of each other’s goals and dreams. You may have different goals and dreams in life, such as career aspirations, personal development, hobbies, etc. But you should support and encourage each other in pursuing them. You should celebrate each other’s achievements and successes, as well as comfort each other in failures and setbacks. You should also respect each other’s choices and opinions, even if they differ from yours.
Tip #4: Keep the Intimacy Alive
One of the most common complaints of couples after having kids is losing the intimacy in their relationship. You may find yourself having less sex, less affection, less romance, or less attraction than before.
But intimacy is vital for keeping your relationship strong after having kids. It can help you bond emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually with your spouse. It can also help you relieve stress, boost your mood, improve your health, and spice up your relationship.
Here are some ways to keep the intimacy alive after having kids:
- Prioritize sex in your relationship. Sex is not just a physical act; it’s also an expression of love, trust, passion, and connection. It’s one of the best ways to keep the intimacy alive after having kids. But sex can also be challenging after having kids due to factors such as fatigue, hormonal changes, body image issues, lack of privacy, etc. That’s why you need to prioritize sex in your relationship and make it happen regularly.
- Be creative and adventurous in bed. Sex can become boring or routine after having kids if you do the same thing over and over again. That’s why you need to be creative and adventurous in bed and try new things that can spice up your sex life. You can experiment with different positions, locations, toys, fantasies, role-playing, etc. You can also surprise your spouse with sexy lingerie, candles, music, or anything else that can set the mood.
- Express your affection and desire for your spouse. Sex is not the only way to keep the intimacy alive after having kids. You also need to express your affection and desire for your spouse in other ways, such as kissing, hugging, cuddling, holding hands, touching, complimenting, flirting, etc. These gestures can help you show your spouse that you love them, appreciate them, and find them attractive. They can also help you build anticipation and excitement for sex.
- Talk about your sexual needs and preferences. Communication is also important for keeping the intimacy alive after having kids. You need to talk to your spouse about your sexual needs and preferences, such as how often you want to have sex, what turns you on or off, what you like or dislike, what you want to try or avoid, etc. You also need to listen to your spouse’s sexual needs and preferences and try to accommodate them as much as possible. Talking about sex can help you understand each other better, improve your sexual compatibility, and enhance your sexual satisfaction.
Tip #5: Have Fun and Laugh Together
Another tip for keeping your relationship strong after having kids is having fun and laughing together. Having fun and laughing together can help you relieve stress, boost your mood, strengthen your bond, and create positive memories.
Here are some ways to have fun and laugh together after having kids:
- Do something fun or silly together. You don’t have to be serious all the time; you can also be playful and silly with your spouse. You can do something fun or silly together, such as playing a game, watching a comedy, making a prank, telling a joke, or doing a challenge. You can also do something spontaneous or adventurous together, such as going on a road trip, trying a new activity, or exploring a new place.
- Reminisce about the good times. You can also have fun and laugh together by reminiscing about the good times you’ve had together. You can look at old photos or videos, listen to old songs, visit old places, or recreate old memories. You can also share stories or anecdotes about how you met, how you fell in love, how you proposed, etc. Reminiscing about the good times can help you appreciate how far you’ve come as a couple and how much you’ve grown together.
- Make each other laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for any relationship. It can help you cope with stress, lighten up the mood, break the ice, and connect with your spouse. You can make each other laugh by telling jokes, making funny faces, tickling each other, or doing anything else that makes you both smile. You can also laugh at yourself or at the funny situations that happen in your life. Laughter can help you keep your relationship strong after having kids by making it more enjoyable and rewarding.
Conclusion
Keeping your relationship strong after having kids is not easy, but it’s not impossible either. With some effort, patience, and creativity, you can still have a happy and fulfilling marriage even after becoming parents.
The tips I’ve shared in this article are just some of the ways to keep your relationship strong after having kids as a husband. They are not exhaustive or definitive; they are just suggestions that may work for some couples but not for others.
The most important thing is to find what works for you and your spouse and stick to it. You need to communicate with each other, make time for each other, share the load and support each other, keep the intimacy alive, and have fun and laugh together.
By doing these things, you can keep your relationship strong after having kids and enjoy the journey of parenthood together.
I hope this post has been helpful and informative for you. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them below. I’d love to hear from you.
Thank you for reading and happy parenting!