parenting - Papa Bear at Home

July 11, 2023July 12, 2023

Coping with Depression: A Dad’s Perspective

Being a dad is a tough job, but being a dad with depression can feel like an impossible task. Depression can make it difficult to find joy in everyday activities, to connect with your children, and to fulfill your responsibilities as a parent. However, it is possible to be a great dad even while struggling with depression. In this blog, we’ll explore some tips and strategies for managing depression as a dad.

Talk to someone

Talking to someone about your struggles with depression can be a great way to relieve stress and gain support. This could be a therapist, a support group, or even a trusted friend or family member. It’s important to choose someone who you feel comfortable talking to and who can provide you with non-judgmental support. A therapist can help you identify and change negative thought patterns, develop coping strategies, and provide you with additional resources for managing depression. A support group can offer a safe and supportive space where you can share your experiences and connect with others who are going through similar struggles.

Practice self-care

Self-care is an essential part of managing depression. It can be difficult to prioritize your own needs when you have children to take care of, but it’s important to remember that taking care of yourself will help you be a better parent. Some self-care practices that can be helpful for managing depression include:

Getting enough sleep: Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep per night.
Eating a healthy diet: Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and whole grains.
Exercising regularly: Exercise releases endorphins, which can help improve your mood.
Practicing relaxation techniques: Meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can all help reduce stress and promote relaxation.
Engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy: Doing things you enjoy can help you feel more positive and fulfilled.

Set realistic expectations

When you’re struggling with depression, it can be difficult to maintain the same level of productivity and energy as you did before. It’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself and to not beat yourself up if you can’t do everything you want to do. This might mean:

Asking for help: Don’t be afraid to ask your partner, family members, or friends for help with tasks like childcare, household chores, or running errands.
Prioritizing tasks: Focus on the most important tasks and let go of the less important ones.
Taking breaks: It’s okay to take breaks throughout the day to rest and recharge.

Connect with your kids

Connecting with your kids can be a challenge when you’re struggling with depression, but it’s important to maintain those connections. Some ways you can connect with your kids include:

Setting aside one-on-one time: Try to spend some one-on-one time with each of your children each week.
Engaging in activities you both enjoy: Do things together that you both enjoy, such as playing board games, going on walks, or baking together.
Being present: Try to be fully present and engaged when you’re spending time with your kids, even if you’re not feeling your best.

Seek professional help

Depression is a treatable condition, and seeking professional help is an important step in managing it. Your doctor or therapist can provide you with a diagnosis and recommend treatment options, such as therapy or medication. It’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don’t have to struggle with depression alone, and there are resources available to help you feel better.

In conclusion, being a dad with depression is challenging, but it’s not impossible. By taking care of yourself, setting realistic expectations, connecting with your children, and seeking professional help, you can be the best dad possible. Remember that depression is a treatable condition, and that you can overcome it with the right support and resources.

Check out our list of our favorite telehealth providers here!

July 11, 2023July 11, 2023

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: A Dad’s Guide

Congratulations! You’re going to be a dad soon. That’s a huge and exciting responsibility. But it can also be a bit overwhelming and scary. You might have a lot of questions and doubts about what to expect when you’re expecting a baby. How will your life change? How can you support your partner? How can you prepare for the arrival of your little one?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many fathers-to-be feel the same way. That’s why I’m here to share some tips and insights from my own experience as a dad of two. In this blog post, I’ll cover some of the most important topics that you need to know about pregnancy, labor, delivery, and beyond. I’ll also give you some practical advice on how to cope with the challenges and enjoy the joys of fatherhood.

Let’s get started!

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a wonderful and miraculous journey that lasts for about 40 weeks, or 9 months. During this time, your partner’s body will go through many physical and emotional changes as she grows and nurtures your baby inside her womb. You might also notice some changes in yourself, such as feeling more anxious, protective, or sentimental.

Here are some of the things that you can expect during pregnancy:

First trimester (weeks 1-12): This is the most critical stage of pregnancy, as your baby’s organs and systems are developing rapidly. Your partner might experience some common symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, fatigue, breast tenderness, increased urination, food cravings or aversions, heartburn, and constipation ¹. She might also have mood swings or feel more emotional than usual. Your role during this time is to be supportive, understanding, and patient. Help her with household chores, cook her healthy meals, accompany her to doctor’s appointments, and reassure her that everything will be okay.
Second trimester (weeks 13-27): This is usually the most comfortable and enjoyable stage of pregnancy, as your partner’s symptoms tend to ease up and she starts to show her baby bump. Your baby will also become more active and you might be able to feel his or her kicks and movements. You might also hear your baby’s heartbeat for the first time during an ultrasound scan ². This is a great time to bond with your partner and your baby. Talk to your baby, read stories or sing songs to him or her, and massage your partner’s belly gently. You can also start planning for the nursery, buying baby essentials, and choosing a name for your baby.
Third trimester (weeks 28-40): This is the final stretch of pregnancy, as your baby grows bigger and prepares for birth. Your partner might experience some discomforts such as back pain, leg cramps, swelling, insomnia, shortness of breath, and frequent urination ¹. She might also feel more anxious or nervous about labor and delivery. Your role during this time is to help her relax, stay positive, and get ready for the big day. Pack a hospital bag with everything you need for yourself and your partner, attend childbirth classes with her, make a birth plan together, and arrange for someone to take care of your pets or other children if you have any.

Labor and Delivery

Labor and delivery are the most intense and rewarding parts of pregnancy, as you get to meet your baby for the first time. Labor is the process of contractions that dilate your partner’s cervix and push your baby out of her womb. Delivery is the actual birth of your baby.

Here are some of the things that you can expect during labor and delivery:

Signs of labor: There are several signs that indicate that your partner is going into labor, such as having regular contractions that get stronger and closer together over time ³ , having a bloody show (a pinkish or brownish discharge from her vagina), having her water break (a gush or trickle of fluid from her vagina), or having lower back pain or pelvic pressure ¹. When you notice any of these signs, call your doctor or midwife and follow their instructions on when to go to the hospital or birthing center.
Stages of labor: Labor is divided into three stages: early labor (when contractions are mild and irregular), active labor (when contractions are strong and regular), and transition (when contractions are very intense and frequent)³. The duration of each stage varies from person to person, but on average it takes about 12 hours for first-time mothers ¹. Your role during this time is to be supportive, encouraging, and helpful. Help your partner breathe deeply and rhythmically through each contraction ³ , massage her back or shoulders if she likes it ³ , offer her water or ice chips if she’s thirsty ³ , distract her with music or conversation if she’s bored ³, and praise her for her strength and courage.
Delivery: Delivery is the moment when your baby emerges from your partner’s vagina (or abdomen in case of a cesarean section). This can take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or more depending on various factors such as the size and position of your baby ¹. Your role during this time is to be present, attentive, and excited. Hold your partner’s hand if she wants it ³ , watch your baby come out if you’re comfortable with it ³ , cut the umbilical cord if you’re allowed to do so ³ , and hold your baby skin-to-skin as soon as possible ³. Don’t forget to take pictures or videos of this amazing moment!

After Delivery

After delivery is the time when you get to bond with your baby and adjust to your new role as a father. It can also be a challenging time as you deal with sleep deprivation, hormonal changes in your partner ¹ , breastfeeding difficulties ¹ , postpartum depression ¹, or other issues.

Here are some of the things that you can expect after delivery:

Newborn care: Newborns need a lot of care and attention in their first days and weeks of life. They need to be fed every 2-3 hours (either by breast milk or formula)¹, changed every few hours (or whenever they’re wet or dirty)¹, bathed every few days (or whenever they’re dirty)¹, burped after every feeding¹ , dressed appropriately for the weather ¹, cuddled often¹, checked for signs of illness (such as fever, rash,
jaundice, or trouble breathing), and taken to regular check-ups with their pediatrician. Your role during this time is to be involved, attentive, and loving. Help your partner with feeding, changing, bathing, burping, dressing, cuddling, and checking your baby. Learn how to hold, soothe, play with, and stimulate your baby. Enjoy every moment of watching your baby grow and learn new skills.
Recovery: Recovery is the process of healing and restoring your partner’s body and mind after giving birth. It can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months depending on various factors such as the type of delivery, the presence of complications, or the level of support. Your partner might experience some common symptoms such as bleeding, cramping, soreness, swelling, leaking, or infection. She might also have mood swings or feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed. Your role during this time is to be supportive, understanding, and helpful. Help your partner with household chores, cook her nutritious meals, encourage her to rest and nap when possible, listen to her feelings and concerns, and reassure her that she’s doing a great job.
Relationship: Relationship is the aspect of maintaining and strengthening your bond with your partner after having a baby. It can be challenging as you deal with stress, fatigue, changes in roles and expectations, or lack of intimacy. Your role during this time is to be communicative, respectful, and romantic. Talk to your partner about your hopes and fears as new parents, share your feelings and needs with each other, appreciate and compliment each other for your efforts, and find ways to reconnect and rekindle your spark. Remember that you’re a team and you’re in this together.

Conclusion

Being a father is one of the most rewarding and challenging roles that you’ll ever have. It’s normal to feel excited, nervous, happy, scared, proud, or confused at different times. The key is to be prepared, informed, and flexible. You don’t have to know everything or do everything perfectly. You just have to do your best and love your baby unconditionally.

I hope this blog post has given you some useful information and tips on what to expect when you’re expecting a baby. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below. I’d love to hear from you.

And remember: You’ve got this!

May 17, 2022July 14, 2022

Solo Saturday

Being a parent, there’s not much time that just you alone. That is exactly what I was able to achieve today. While technically not alone, I had a day away with a group of my friends, it was a day out without my kids. It was a day in which I didn’t have to keep a constant, vigilant eye out for what my band of mischievous ninjas was up to, and it was wonderful.

I got to meet up with my group of friends and head across the Mississippi to Illinois and head to a German brewery, Hofbrauhaus. For those who have been an you know the place is absolutely brilliant. A huge interior dining area fit for an Oktoberfest all of its own, but still spilling out to a vast patio, and today, an extra tent set up for a separate Fest I didn’t catch the name of. Wurst Fest maybe? Doesn’t matter. This place is huge. They have a standard bar of liquors, but the highlight (naturally) is their selection of beers. There’s a lager and a dunkel plus a rotational beer served in a .5 liter glass or a massive 1 liter stein. The food is some phenomenal German fare; I got a version of jägerschnitzel.

While the food and drinks were great, the real star of the day was being out with friends. So often, we make our kids and our spouses the priority, and neglect to take care of ourselves.

About a year ago, my wife and I went to marriage counseling. We weren’t at each other’s throats, divorce wasn’t on the line, we just weren’t at our best functioning selves. One of the first things the therapist asked about was how much time each of us had to ourselves. Like many of us, our answer was almost none. For me, my only real alone time was driving to and from work. My wife was in the same boat as me. We were spending all of our collective time watching the boys, we weren’t talking time or for ourselves.

Constantly being there with your kids sounds like good parenting, I know. But the problem is you neglect your own needs, and you’re wearing yourself out. The therapist stressed that we can’t really be there for our kids without taking time out for self care. Think of it like your car, it can’t keep running without regularly stopping to top up with fuel and occasional maintenance. So take regular time and set it aside for you, and a little less frequent, take a bigger chunk of time and get away for the day.

Keep up with your friends, schedule time each month at minimum to get out and do something not at home. Start a hobby to take a step back for yourself if not daily, then a few times a week. And try to keep healthy habits. Take up yoga, go for a walk, learn a new skill. Do something to better yourself, you’ll see your life start to come together again.

None of us are perfect machines. We all have things we need to do to keep ourselves operating the best we can. Know that you aren’t perfect, and that’s perfectly ok. But give yourself some time for you, and you’ll begin to see more of what you remember from your past.

Love you, buddy.

-Papa Bear